InfoPost No. 1- "Don't Be a Fool"

Even in these enlightened times I regularly witness people confusing the above devices.
Feel free to distribute this information and "Do Your Bit".
Issued by the Proletkult Ministry of Education.

Grown-Up Make-Up

A back-to-basics tutorial from Woman magazine, November 17th 1956.

Some thoughts on stockings- care and wear.

It should be apparent that the Sophisticate's Diary is an advocate of the wearing of stockings. We have already touched upon the anatomy of a stocking, now we shall help you extend the life of your stockings through proper care and selection.

Selection or what to look for in a stocking

The sheerness of a stocking is determined by denier and gauge, although gauge is no longer noted on modern stockings. The denier of a yarn (rayon, nylon or silk) is determined by weighing a 450 metre hank of yarn. One denier means that 450 metres of yarn weighs 0.05 grams. Ten denier weighs 0.5 grams per 450 metres, 20 denier weighs one gram and so on and so forth. The higher the denier the coarser the yarn, therefore a stocking made from a 15 denier yarn will be sheerer than one made from a 50 denier yarn.

However, with vintage stockings you will often see the denier noted alongside the gauge. The gauge, or needle count on seamless stockings, relates to the number of needles on the knitting machine which creates the stocking. As explained in Stockings (1946) by A.W. Eley

'Sheerness of a stocking can be determined by the size (or count) of yarn used in relation to the gauge of the machine. Thus, a 45 Gauge stocking might look more sheer than a 51 Gauge made from the same count of yarn, as on the lower gauge machine the fabric becomes more loosely knitted, resulting in a more sheer effect.'

According to A.W Eley's book stockings should be chosen according to purpose as follows:

10/15 denier – Preferably for evening wear only

20 denier – For evening wear, Dance, Dinner, Theatre

30 Denier – For afternoon wear, Tea-time, Semi-dress wear

40/50 denier – For informal wear, business, home

60/75 denier – General purpose

100/150 denier – Semi-service weight

Thus, 10/15 denier stockings worn for everyday wear will not last as long as the 40/50 denier stocking. However, A.W. Eley notes that women 'are frankly out for additional luxuriousness, and will pay a high price to get it, being satisfied to replace hosiery oftener than should be required.'

It would seem that I am a typical customer from 1946 as it is very unusual for me to wear anything over 20 denier, even in winter.

Care

There is no reason why, given the proper care, a 10 or 15 denier stocking should not last as long as a 30 denier stocking.

I am sure I do not have to state that stockings are best washed by hand, not by machine. Machine washing, even if using a hosiery bag, will decrease the life of the stocking. The higher temperatures will impair the strength of the stocking leading to ladders. From time to time I am tempted by the convenience of machine washing for my RHTs (my FFs are always washed by hand) and experience immediate laddering when putting them on. So, although you may save a little time by machine washing, you do not save expense.

A.W. Eley outlines the following method to hand washing:

• Toss mild soap flakes into a little hot water first, and when thoroughly dissolved, add cold water to make a luke-warm solution, then whisk into bubbly suds (hot water, strong soap solutions and soaking, impair the strength of the stocking and cause streaking and fading of colour).

• Keep dipping the hose instead of swirling in circles – stubborn soiled or rain spots should be treated by sending the suds through the fabric by a cupped motion of the hand. After three rinsings in luke-warm water (same temperature as the washing water) to remove all soap, the stockings should be wrapped in a towel, and the water gently pressed out (no twisting or wringing) and then be unwrapped at once.

• Hang by the toe to dry at room temperature – never put on a radiator, or in strong sunlight.

• Do not iron stockings – this raises a gloss.

• Dry thoroughly.

1. After washing, do not wear the following day. Stockings- especially Rayon stockings – are weakest when wet, and their full tensile strength is not regained until they are completely dry, which is 48 hours after washing. Rayon stockings appear to be dry before they are actually dry – in this they are very deceptive. Nylon dries faster than any fibre.
   If possible, allow three days to elapse between completion of drying and the wearing of the hose.
   During the second day after rayon stockings are washed, if they are given two three-minute exposures to ultra-violet rays from say, an ultra-violet ray lamp, being again subjected on the third day to a further fifteen-second exposure, the fibre regains its former strength, and the quality is equal to that of a brand new pair.

2. Stockings washed and dried this way will give maximum service, and their beauty of appearance is prolonged, thus proving them an investment instead of- as is so often the case- a speculation!

3. When crepe-twist stockings are laundered, it will be noticed that they apparently so out of shape, seeming to go in a spiral, and throwing the seam out of line. This is only a temporary phase, however, and the hose will revert to proper seam alignment as they dry. There is, therefore, no need for dismay over the washing process – this type of hose is specially recommended for hard wear, and it lives up to its reputation.

4. Several pairs of one colour is a good buy, so that there is always a 'reserve' to draw upon in the event of a last minute accident or wear.

5. Contrary to popular belief, the storing of stockings made from any fibre has no effect of the wearing qualities providing they are kept in a dark and dry place. Natural silk hosiery is very sensitive to light, and to the presence of moisture in the air, and is easily weakened by ultra-violet or visible sunlight.

6. To put on hosiery. Be seated. Roll down the entire length of the stocking with both hands (be sure stocking does not catch on rough fingers or sharp jewellery), slip foot through the roll and right down into the tow. Do not jerk the stocking over the heel- adjust the heel, and slowly roll the stocking up the leg. Check seam straightness before attaching suspender, and while still seated, with knees flexed, fasten the suspender into the welt, taking into account the length of the stocking, and adjusting accordingly. Never suspender below the welt, this being a specially reinforced suspender top intended for this definite purpose, and the suspender should be adjusted so that is does not stretch the welt out of line and prejudice leg freedom. The putting on of hose this way provides for that little extra 'give' and helps to minimise the strain at the knee on delicate fabric, which strain – when bending or stooping- makes itself evident to the wearer. Rings and bracelets, of course, are an ever-present menace to stockings, and as all stockings will snag when brought into contact with rough surfaces or sharp objects, due care should be exercised in this direction.
   
   

With this information you should now be confident to buy any stocking, even those 'evening' sheer stockings, knowing that with good care there is no reason why they should not last as long as the more serviceable, higher denier stocking.

A small note about fabric

When A.W. Eley wrote his book stockings were generally available in silk, cotton, rayon or nylon (give or take a ration stamp or two). Nowadays, the majority of stockings are made from nylon, with most brands on the High Street containing Lycra. I do not believe that the introduction of Lycra has made any improvement to stockings, in my experience stockings with Lycra never last more than one wear, excepting nets. The Sophisticate's Diary would always recommend 100% nylon stockings as they not only wear well but they enhance the leg, giving it a more beautiful appearance.

As to rayon stockings, once only found in charity shops when serendipity was in our favour, they are now available from What Katie Did as part of their CC09 range of stockings.

A Poem

On the whole, I am not a great fan of poetry. I would like to blame this on the ineptitude of all poets the world over but, sadly, this is down to the Philistine in me; I like the obvious, the brash and the gaudy. I like rhymes. I like poems that are without the need for any pretense on the part of either the poet or the reader. I should like to read an exchange of slightly threatening love-poetry between Pam Ayres and Billy Childish.

That said, here is a poem I do appreciate:

The Woman Underneath

On reflection, it all came down to nylon -
stockings, bras, pants.
Of course, there were the other things -
swing of buttocks, flap of breasts,

a whole shape of arc and indent.
But somehow, it was the synthetics,
hitched by nylon, an erotic mechanics,
that set us light years apart.

What did we have when we undressed?
Socks. Jockeys. A string vest.
But when they stepped out
of shoes, blouse, and skirt -

voila! The French maid: that circumflex
of taut stocking-band; knickers
sheeny as a courtesan's; the stripper's

unhooking acrobatics; and the Lautrec
girl stooping as puckered hose slithers.
They held us in a man-made scissors.

Robert Maitre (1944- )

Shipwreck Draw

The following is taken from Esquire's Book of Gambling (1964 reprint):

As a relief from the deep-think of craps and roulette, may we suggest this maddening little game, simple, easy to play, and guaranteed to drive you mad.
Although you may not be a traveler in the proportions of a Marco Polo, a Robinson Crusoe or a nonstop round-the-world flyer, there have been— and the chances are there will be many more— shipwrecks on a deserted isle in store for you. These can happen in your own home, or someone else's, for that matter. That deadly lull in conversation, that awkward pause that is far from refreshing, when you don't know what to say or play— the equivalent of being stranded— calls for a game like shipwreck draw with which to while away the time.
All the equipment you need is fifteen coins, or bananas, or coconuts, or any other fifteen objects, and the will to win. Arrange the coins, or whatever tokens you are using, as the case may be, in five piles: five tokens in the first, four in the second, three in the third, two in the fourth and one in the fifth.



Now that you have the set-up, here's the objective: the one who takes the last coin away wins, and this is the way you play it. Each player in turn may remove as many coins as he wants from any pile, but he may remove coins from only one pile at a time. Simple? Well then, try this variation: Change the objective to the one who removes the last coin loses.

Still simple? Well, here's a way to make the game more complicated yet. Start with twenty-five coins, or tokens, in one pile. Each player in turn withdraws from that one pile as many coins or tokens as he wants, up to five. Arrange these piles in sequences as they are drawn. After the two players have drawn all the tokens, or coins, from the pile of twenty-five and arranged these in the proper sequences before them, they can start to play, applying exactly the same rules as the first game where you only had five piles and where the objective was to cause your opponent to draw the last token. Obviously, the number of piles depends upon the number drawn by each player in setting up the game. Here's a sample game played with this variation.



In this diagram, A's drawings are indicated by the white tokens and B's by the shaded ones. You will note that from the original pile of twenty-five tokens, each of the protagonists has drawn four times, making eight separate piles in all.
Starting with these and applying, as we have said, the same rules as applied to the previous game, keeping in mind the fact that you want your opponent to draw the last token, the players make the following eight moves in order:



A is the loser, and as a result he retires to some desert isle all by himself. You will see that after the fifth move in the above game, B actually had a winning combination. Here in Diagram Number Three is how the game looks at this stage, before B makes his fifth move. After A takes away all the tokens in Pile 2 or 6, B draws the other of the two piles and leaves only one coin, which would make A the loser. Another alternative is that after A removes Pile 1, B then evens the other two piles and matches A's draws until it is down to two and one and then takes the two.



There are a great many sure-fire combinations which can be concocted, and the more you can scheme up in advance, the greater will be the possibilities that you will be the sole survivor on the desert island. Naturally, if you happen to be stranded on an isle with one or more of the opposite sex, you may not consider this game to be the ideal solution, but for the average social vacuum it's a handy filler.

And there you have them, sirs, the indoor accomplishments. There is enough variation, conundrum and excitement to keep you involved for a good part of your lifetime. It is to be hoped, however, that you venture outdoors every now and then, if only to deposit those winnings at the bank.
No withdrawals, please.

Gentlemen's Underwear

A chappy perusing these blogs filled with silks, stockings, crepes and cami-knickers may be forgiven for feeling somewhat peeved at the appalling lack of nightwear for the dashing rogue about town.
In this latest offering I aim to go some way to rectifying this unforgiveable situation.

There are many outlets for the aspiring dandy to purchase his sensual underthings; one must simply be pointed in the right direction.

For those merely dipping their toe in the enlivening waters of bohemian bedwear I suggest a trip to T M Lewin. There one can purchase a pair of rather natty boxer shorts with two buttons set a couple of inches apart on the waistband creating a kind of double-breasted effect which, to my mind, is reminiscent of a old-style surgeon's tunic. Very suitable, I'm sure you'll agree, for those contemplating a precision operation in the boudoir (sans anaesthetic we hope). They are priced at a very reasonable £9.50 and are available in a much wider selction of colours, stripes and checks than their website might suggest (but not, sadly, in hospital green).

Once a man tires of the conservatism of the cotton boxer he may wish to advance up the ladder of masculine delicates by slipping into a daring little nightshirt. Derek Rose and Somax are two brands that I would recommend, the Somax being a tad slimmer fitting than the former, so slightly more restrictive of movement if bedroom gymnastics is your peccadillo. Of course, their are myriad stockists of gentlemen's nightshirts but , as ever, The Vintage Shirt Company comes highly recommended due to their excellent range and speedy service. They also stock matching nightcaps for those brave and confident souls who can cope with any mention of Wee Willy Winky by a sniggering paramour.

Now we come to my personal favourite (as those of you who have seen my pictures will know), the union suit. Beloved of lumberjacks, cowboys and bearded homosexuals, the union suit is surely the king of male underthings. It covers as much of the male anatomy as possible, thereby shielding the eyes of anyone unfortunate enough to be ensnared by your charm. It also keeps everything warm and, most importantly, in place. A google or ebay search for union suits will result in a plethora of emporia. Union suits are advantageous to those of us to whom idleness is a way of life, as minimal effort is required to perform otherwise tiring functions. The bottom flap negates the need to strip off in the toilet and the button-fastening front enables the wearer to perform just as many activities as the fully naked man but minus the the need to expose one's less than adequate physique.

I will leave you with a daguerrotype of yours truly demonstrating the versatility of the all-in-one union suit when strolling about town and country.

Image by ProletKult Graphik

Those of you wishing to read a more in-depth examination of both male and female underwear may wish to peruse an article I penned for issue 4 of The Wrench magazine.

Bottled air, anyone?

Not all of our blogs concern Marcel waves and Martinis. The following is a brief excerpt from The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists by Robert Tressell, written in 1906. Every single paragraph, sentence, word and comma of this book should be read and read again until it permeates the very being of everyone of the class; but if you must only read one snippet make it the one that follows.

We interrupt our hero, Owen, during yet another tea-break debate with his fellow house-painters:

“Whether it can be altered or not, whether it's right or wrong, landlordism is one of the causes of poverty,” Owen repeated. “Poverty is not caused by men and women getting married; it's not caused by machinery; it's not caused by 'over-production'; it's not caused by drink or laziness; and it's not caused by 'over-population'. It's caused by Private Monopoly. That is the present system.

They have monopolized everything that is possible to monopolize; they have got the whole Earth, the minerals in the earth and the streams that water the earth. The only reason they have not monopolized the daylight and the air is that it is not possible to do it. If it were possible to construct huge gasometers and to draw together and compress within them the whole of the atmosphere, it would have been done long ago, and we should have been compelled to work for them in order to get money to buy air to breathe. And if that seemingly impossible thing were accomplished tomorrow, you would see thousands of people dying dying for want of air- or of the money to buy it- even as now thousands are dying for want of other necessaries of life. You would see people going about gasping for breath, and telling each other that the likes of them could not expect to have air to breathe unless they had the money to pay for it.

Most of you here, for instance, would think and say so. Even as you think at present that it's right for a few people to own the Earth, the Minerals and the Water, which are all just as necessary as is the air. In exactly the same spirit as you now say: “It's Their Land,” “It's Their Water,” “It's Their Coal,” “It's Their Iron,” so you would say “It's Their Air,” “These are Their Gasometers, and what right have the likes of us to expect them to allow us to breathe for nothing?”

And even while he is doing this the air monopolist will be preaching sermons on the Brotherhood of Man; he will be dispensing advice on “Christian Duty” in the Sunday magazines; he will give utterance to numerous more or less moral maxims for the guidance of the young. And meantime, all around, people will be dying for want of some of the air that he will have bottled up in his gasometers. And when you are all dragging out a miserable existence, gasping for breath or dying for want of air, if one of your number suggests smashing a hole in the side in one of the gasometers, you will all fall upon him in the name of law and order, and after doing your best to tear him limb from limb, you'll drag him, covered with blood, in triumph to the nearest police station and deliver him up to “justice” in the hope of being given a few half pounds of air for your trouble.”

Overcoming your fear of hats

It is a well known fact (to people that know us) that we at the Sophisticate's Diary like hats. From Fezs to hombergs, from doll hats to cartwheels, we are strongly of the opinion that if you want to get ahead, get a hat.

However, for many women hats are a mystery, a strange melange of straw, felt and ribbon that is rather frightening. A thing to be endured during weddings and snowstorms. Other women seem to have the titfer conquered, they have the inate ability to make anything on their head look amazing. Perhaps this is why on Ladies' Day, although you will see a handful of women who dazzle under their brims, the vast majority will look like they had an unfortunate accident with a cat and a flowerpot.

The hat should not be a mystery. We firmly believe that there is a hat for every woman, no matter how earnestly she believes that hats do not suit. So, with the good guidence of Vee Powell, we shall commence a brief guide to hats which we hope will encourage all to experiment.

Why women wear hats
“[Hats] are worn because they frame the face and introduce contrasting or harmonizing colors to the eyes, hair, or skin; they confine unruly hair and give a well groomed appearance; they complete and add character to many different kinds of clothes; they express personality...”

There are many different styles of hats. Unfortunately, most shops today sell only one kind, the bucket hat. These may be very nice hats but the lack of choice when purusing the shops is one reason why many shy away from hats. If the bucket hat doesn't suit you and the bucket is all that is on offer then it is no wonder that hats will not appeal.

Thankfully, there was more choice when hats were an essential part of the wardrobe and therefore a quick search on ebay or in your local vintage clothes shop will provide many styles and will open a range of possibilities.

Examples of hat styles









Hats are either head size or non-head size.

“Anyone can wear a 'nonheadsize' hat, because it is so shallow that it will fit all average headsizes. If the hat is perched forward on the top of the head, the fitting adjustment is made in the bandeau which anchors the hat to the head. If the hat is worn on the back of the head, it is held by pins, chin veil, or any other arrangement that will make it stay on the head.

If these crown were larger and deeper, they would fit over the large part of the head. In this case they would be headsize hats, and each one would have to be made to fit an individual headsize”
(please see our earlier blog on how to work out your hat size)


An example of a non-headsize hat worn forward on the top of the head.

Non-headsize hats are generally anchored to the head with either an inbuilt bandeau, comb or other fabric covered wire which grip to the head, or by the use of hat pins. Anchors can often be incorporated into your hairstyle, rolls can be used to hide pins, a chignon can cover a bandeau. Rather than thinking of the hat after you have set your hair it is good practise to think of the hat first.

The most attractive way of wearing a hat is asymetrically. Tilting the hat to the left or right of the head is generally more flattering and more interesting to look at. Men hardly ever wear a hat squarely on their head, instead a rakish or jaunty angle is prefered.

And the final word to Vee Powell
“Not Rules – Just Common Sense
1.If you are tall- and don't want to look taller- don't wear high crowns.

2.If you are short, you can add height with your crown; but don't exaggerate too much, or you will look shorter than ever.

3.If you are 'plump', be careful of pin-headed effects. Your hat can help to balance your entire silhouette.

4.In choosing a turban type hat, be sure that the width of the upper part is as wide- or wider- than the broadest part of your face.

5.If you are small features, wear modified styles. Extremes will be overpowering.

6.If you have large prominent features, choose styles that have dash and verve. Delicate materials, trims and lines are not for you.

7.If you love big hats, wear them when their lines are not spoiled by collars or furs. Remember too, that they are good-weather hats; they don't take kindly to wind, rain or snow.

8.Wear hats that are appropriate to the occasion and the season.

9.Wear hats that blend harmoniously with the rest of your clothes. Wear hats, because the right kind will immediately improve your appearance.

10.WEAR HATS.”


Quotes and illustrations are from Vee Powell, How to Make and Trim Your Own Hats (1944)

Final quote from Vee Powell, How to Make Hats and Accessories (1946)

Both books are essential reading if you wish to make your own hats. The guidelines and explanations are straightforward and easy to follow.

Breakfast of Bacchus

The following meal is from the 1949 publication- Esquire's Handbook for Hosts. It doesn't specify whether this is a breakfast dish but we (in fact I as I am the non-vegan half of this partnership) feel that such a decadent dish would probably befit the awakening mass of bodies previously indulged in some kind of unspeakable, uninhibited and unbridled bout of libertinism the night before. The eggs would restore lost energy and the four bodily humours whilst the alcohol would, hopefully, banish all feelings of shame, guilt and nausea.

Eggs Poached in Burgundy

Put one ounce of butter in an earthenware casserole; sauté one white onion, finely chopped, and add one pint of Burgundy; salt, pepper, one whole clove, a bayleaf, and a slice of fennel; let it simmer for about ten to twelve minutes. Break one egg per person on the edge of the casserole and slip it gently into the simmering wine. Poach for about two or three minutes- according to taste in cooking. Separate them gently, remove with a skimmer, and put each egg on a piece of toast, ready to receive it on a hot platter. Strain the cooked wine and put it back in the casserole and bring to a boil; thicken it with small balls of butter and flour and pour over the eggs on toast.

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